Bubblews - Shut Down Without Warning

Bubblews, a blogging site that housed a good number of my shorter works of fiction and articles, shut down without warning earlier today, so I will be hunting down bad links over the course of the next few days (or, alas, probably weeks) and trying to repost what I can.  Some, but not all, of the material was backed up.  Now I just have to remember everything that was there...  with well over a hundred posts sitting on that site, this should be loads of fun...

Some Favorite Polyvore Collage Sets

My Top 100 Sets by alishaadkins on polyvore.com

Although I haven't played with Polyvore in quite some time, it's still a creative outlet that really intrigues me.  I keep intending to go back to it, and I'm sure it will suck me back in again eventually.  I wanted to share some of my past dalliances with it, and for those of you who are not familiar with the site or its artistic potential, here is Exploring New Social Media: Polyvore as Global Art Gallery, an article I wrote about it a while back.

Beneath Man's Skin

Dream Guide

Miriam had begun to sense that the trappings of civilization were just that -- trappings. Underneath, man was still as primal as he once was.

She contemplated the primal nature of man as she pushed her cart up and down the frozen food aisles of the grocery store. The absurdity of this was not lost upon her. She would have been hard pressed to think of a more sterile activity; the teeth had been thoroughly pulled out of the process of food acquisition. But man was still a predator. A carnivore is still a carnivore even if he distances himself from the kill of the animal by buying its meat wrapped up in neat little packages.

One could cloak a nasty truth in pretty finery -- fine clothes, face powder, perfume. But putting a ball gown on a rhinoceros doesn't make it any less a rhinoceros.

exerpt from Shadow Schism, copyright 2013

Don't Miss These Free Giveaways at Amazon Through the End of September!

Swallow All Meaning, created with Polyvore.

I have lots of giveaways scheduled at Amazon over the next few days, so be sure to snap these up:

FREE Fri, Sept 25th - Shadow Schism (novel) & The Equipment (short story)
FREE Sat, Sept 26th - Shadow Schism (novel)
FREE Sun, Sept 27th - The Factory (short story)
FREE Mon, Sept 28th -  The Factory (short story)
FREE Tues, Sept 29th - The Factory (short story) & Dead Lay (novelette)

Dreaded Sweater

The sweater Reginald's grandmother had knitted made him terribly itchy. Not just normal itchy, but prickly, burning, must-scratch-until-I'm-raw-and-bleeding itchy.

In fact, if Reginald hadn't known any better, he would have thought the darned thing was infested with bugs. His skin got red and puffy whenever he put it on, and his eyes swelled. He had to take a Benadryl just to survive wearing it.

"Don't be so ungrateful!" Reginald's mother chided him. "Your grandmother worked painstakingly on that sweater! Do you know how long it takes to knit with cat hair?"

Flight Envy

Image: "Flight Envy," created with Polyvore. 

Dreaded Sweater, Alisha Adkins, copyright 2013.  First published on bubblews.com.  It also appears (adapted) in the Abecedary of the Absurd as part of the collection Twisted Tales for Twisted Minds, second edition.

A Life of Worry

Mabel worried all the time. She worried that she would have a gruesome fatal accident, so she stopped driving. She worried that she would slip in the shower and crack her skull open, so she resorted to only taking sponge baths. She worried that she might step on a nail or fall down a manhole, so she stopped walking any further from her house than her mailbox. She had rendered herself a recluse. 
Although Mabel loved beef, pork, and poultry, she stopped eating meat because she worried that she would choke on a lump of gristle. However, she was also worried that she might cut herself chopping vegetables, so she now ate only baby food purees. The fact of the matter was that Mabel was so paralyzed with worry that she might do something that would inadvertently result in her demise that she tried not to do anything at all. She spent her days watching reality television from her sofa, where she sat nearly motionless, surrounded by soft, nonthreatening pillows. 
One evening, as Mabel reclined in her bubble of safety while watching The Biggest Loser, a meteor, traveling at great velocity, randomly hurtled in from space. It crashed through her roof and came to rest directly on top of Mabel and her innocuous sofa. 
She was killed instantly.

Vulnerability

For similar absurd meanderings, check out the following: 

Mothballs Could Have Saved Her

Samantha, the Coupon Queen

Such a Shame

The Hangnail

A Life of Worry, Alisha Adkins, copyright 2013.  This also appears in the Abecedary of the Absurd as part of the collection Twisted Tales for Twisted Minds, second edition.

Image created with Polyvore.

Susie's Transformation

Run, Little Ones

Susie was a timid, shy girl. In fact, she shrank from all human contact, cowering when adults spoke to her and answering their questions in little more than a tiny whisper. 
Susie's mother had begun to worry about her daughter's social development. Susie refused to even go outside and, except for when her presence was absolutely required elsewhere in the house, she preferred to remain safely isolated behind the closed door of her bedroom, where she carried on long conversations with her stuffed animals. 
Susie's father didn't believe there was anything wrong with his little girl. 
"She doesn't need therapy!" he told his wife adamantly. "Susie's seven. So she's shy. So what? She'll grow out of it." 
But her mother wasn't so sure. To be on the safe side, she began to research treatments online.
 "Susie?" she called to her daughter one morning. "Susie, come get a yummy snack!" 
Susie dutifully appeared in the kitchen and climbed up onto a stool at the counter. Silently, she began to eat her cookies and juice. 
"Mommy?" she whispered hesitantly in a tiny squeak of a voice. "Mommy, this juice tastes funny..." 
"Don't worry," her mother said. "I just added vitamins to it. Drink up!" 
Susie screwed up her face at the taste, but she drank the contents of the cup. After she was done, she wiped her mouth, burped once, and then she suddenly began to grow. 
The previous evening, her mother had found an interesting recipe online for an elixir that was supposed to give the imbiber confidence. Admittedly, she had found it on a dubious site about secret ancient ceremonies, rituals, and recipes, but the ancient Mayans had apparently considered the elixir very powerful, so she just mixed it with kool-aid and gave it a try. 
Susie grew and grew. Her little girl dress became tight against her and then ripped right off of her. And still she grew. 
Her mother was wide-eyed, unsure what to do. Her husband was never going to let her hear the end of this. 
Susie grew until she was the size of a giant. She was a giant, naked seven year old girl. She surveyed her surroundings and suddenly realized that she no longer felt timid. In fact, she felt downright gregarious. What did she have to be afraid of? People were unlikely to be able to hurt her. In fact, she could hurt them. 
Susie proceeded to smash her way out of her house. Venturing outside for the first time in ages, she happily tromped down her street, joyously stepping on people and knocking over houses.



Susie's Transformation, Alisha Adkins, copyright 2013.  This also appears in the Abecedary of the Absurd as part of the collection Twisted Tales for Twisted Minds, second edition.

*Image created with Polyvore. 

The Virtues of Good Posture

For years, her mother had drilled it into her. 

"Sit up straight! You'll ruin your posture!" 

In Sally's household, good posture was next to godliness. 

"Only slackers slump!" her mother always cautioned as she put her daughter through rigorous posture exercises for hours each day. These initially involved balancing a book on her head but grew more elaborate and difficult as Sally got older and her mother got more OCD. 

One day, while balancing a large stack of garden stones on her forehead, Sally's neck unexpectedly gave out and her head fell off her shoulders with an unceremonious "plop." 

Although racked with guilt for subjecting her daughter to such arduous (and, as it had turned out, dangerous) exercises, Sally's mother couldn't help but feel a secret hint of pride when she saw how straight her daughter lay in her coffin.

Improving Posture and Balance

The Virtues of Good Posture, Alisha Adkins, copyright 2013.  This also appears in the Abecedary of the Absurd as part of the collection Twisted Tales for Twisted Minds, second edition.

For similar absurd meanderings, check out the following: 

Mothballs Could Have Saved Her

Samantha, the Coupon Queen

Such a Shame

The Hangnail

*Image created with Polyvore

The Memory-Making Machine

That was when I invented it. The Memory-Making Machine. Admittedly, the proto-type was relatively crude, but still, patenting a device that elicits memories? Pure gold!

Once it is securely fastened to the cranium, a simple manipulation of the machine's lever can produce amazing effects. The lever works much like a joystick; move it up, and viola! A nostalgic memory from childhood. Move it down, and a warm or romantic recollection pops into the wearer's mind. Left generates random remembrances - great for Trivial Pursuit! And right? Well, you probably don't want to move it right.

Although there was some criticism of early models of the Memory-Making Machine, mostly due to some unfortunate incidents of brain hemorrhaging, its wearer-fatality rate has dropped significantly since the scissors lever was replaced with a less sharp implement. And, based on user feedback, wearers now also have the option to turn off the regurgitated memory ticker!

Memory Machine

Story created from the prompt: "That was when I invented it."  This prompt was furnished by the site Adam Maxwell's Fiction Lounge. For this site or other helpful writing prompt sites, check out:

 http://www.bubblews.com/news/1103708-how-to-chase-away-bubblews-burnout 

Image: "Memory Machine," created with Polyvore.

Memory-Making Machine, Alisha Adkins, copyright 2013.  First published on bubblews.com.  This also appeared in the Abecedary of the Absurd as part of the collection Twisted Tales for Twisted Minds, second edition.

If Only They Had Left the Goldfish

Their ability to abscond was severely hampered by the insistence of bringing along the goldfish.

"I told you we shouldn't bring the damned goldfish!" Jack growled at her through gritted teeth.

"Goldie is part of the family! How could I leave her behind? Who would feed her?" Laura sniffled, looking tearful.

"Would you just be quiet? They'll hear us!" Jack snarled in an angry whisper.

He silently cursed in frustration. He loved Laura, but did she have to talk all the time? It was bad enough that she had forced him to lug this stupid fish bowl around. It was cumbersome, and water sloshed out of it with every step he took, soaking his shirt.

"Oh my god, Jack! Jack!" she exclaimed loudly. "Jack, we have to go back! I forgot the fish food!" she screeched, digging frantically in her purse.

"Shhh!" Jack urged her. But it was too late. Her voice had carried, and every hungry, shambling corpse in a two block radius tilted its head with interest at the noise, and then, in unison, they all began to limp toward Jack and Laura.

He had thought that damned goldfish was probably going to get them both killed, but now he realized Laura's talking would do the job first. He set the fish bowl down and prepared to die.

Story created from the prompt: "Their ability to abscond was severely hampered by the insistence of bringing along the goldfish." 

This prompt was furnished by the site Adam Maxwell's Fiction Lounge. For this site or other helpful writing prompt sites, check out:

 http://www.bubblews.com/news/1103708-how-to-chase-away-bubblews-burnout 

Image: "Self-Consumption," created with Polyvore. 

If Only They Had Left the Goldfish, Alisha Adkins, copyright 2013.  First published on bubblews.com.  It also appears (adapted) in the Abecedary of the Absurd as part of the collection Twisted Tales for Twisted Minds, second edition.

Perpetual Presence

Faded Dreams - created with Polyvore

Are you tired of relationships that inevitably end? Of children that grow up and move away? Of pets with inconveniently short life spans?

Introducing the Perpetual Presence!

With the Perpetual Presence, your house need never feel “too empty” again! Leave behind those feelings of discontent or gnawing loneliness. The Perpetual Presence is scientifically proven to mimic the subconscious effects of human companionship. It emits a steady stream of low level vibrations, giving you the physical sense that you are never alone. And if you crave feedback, that’s no problem – the Perpetual Presence has an impressive array of mood settings that allow it to respond to your voice. For example, you can set your Presence to gently glow, hum, or emit soothing ocean noises! Just listen to these customer testimonials: 
     “It’s like having an elderly parent in the house – but without all the messy cleanup!” – Sally Macadoodle, Florida. 
     “I’ve never felt such a sense of security in my life. My Perpetual Presence never judges, and it will never leave!” – Matilda Snickerbottom, Wisconsin. 
     “I’ll admit, it does sit there like a bit of lump, but so did my ex-husband – at least the Presence has a much more pleasant personality!” – Wanda Fluttersnert, Maine. 

Millions of Americans are already enjoying newfound contentment thanks to Perpetual Presence. Call today to get your own Presence – and piece of mind! And for even greater emotional support, try our new Perpetual Cuddler - available in terrycloth!

Revitalizing the Rhapsody in Lime Blog

In the next few weeks, I will begin the arduous process of refurbishing my blog (which, admittedly, has fallen into a bit of a state of disrepair).

Bubblews' site has changed ownership and is now an utterly pointless place for housing posts (I've literally earned 1 cent in a year there), so I will be transferring that content here in addition to posting new stuff.

Additionally, my website is back up and nearing a state of completion.  Whew!

So, in summary, please stay tuned!  :)

This Weekend's Give-Aways

Free this weekend at Amazon: 

The Carrier, a short story -- When Marsha engages in unprotected intercourse with Lydia's zombie, she unwittingly becomes a carrier of STZ - Sexually Transmitted Zombiism. But maybe transmitting the infection isn't such a bad idea... 

and...

Twisted Tales for Twisted Minds (second edition) - newly revised with never-before-seen, extra-twisted material!

What lies beneath the masks that people wear? 

In Twisted Tales for Twisted Minds, you might just be afraid to find out. Delve beneath the surface and meet a host of disturbing characters, including a seemingly perfect family that gets the genetic pet of their dreams, a pair of tattoo artists who wind up with some unusual canvasses, and a little boy who acquires a zombie as his new best friend. 

This collection of dark, twisted short stories and flash fiction serves up a smorgasbord of horrific fare with heaping ironic sides. Stories include "A Boy and His Zombie," "Dynamic Genetix," "An Eye for an Eye," and "A Few Steps Away." 

Prepare to be disturbed!

What Short Story Is Free at Amazon this Weekend?

6/5/2015 -
Free this weekend at Amazon: The Help, the first short story in the Dead Lay saga.  Dead Lay is a tongue-in-cheek collection of short stories that chronicle the adventures of Lydia, a libidinous middle-aged woman, and Heracles, her accomodating zombie man servant.  Be sure to grab The Help while its free this weekend - love it or hate it, it's sure to be different from any other zombie story you've ever encountered!

Pulling the Equipment out of Storage

5/28/2015 -
Just a quick update:

This weekend, "The Equipment," a tongue-in-cheek short story about a libidinous middle-aged woman and her zombie man servant, will be free to download at Amazon.  Enjoy! 

After an Extended Absence...

I had to step away for a while, but now I seem to have returned... Expect an overhaul to the site in the next week or so.

For now, here is a schedule of upcoming FREE Amazon give-aways:

• May 23 - The Factory (short story)
• May 24 - A Boy and His Zombie (short story)             
•               - Abecedary of the Absurd (flash fiction collection)
• May 25 - Abecedary of the Absurd (flash fiction collection)

More to come soon!