Released

Released by alishaadkins on polyvore.com

"Sometimes I daydream of seppuku... Japanese ritualistic suicide. Well, I don't actually dream of it, per say. I think of it, but I'm not seriously contemplate doing it -- my thoughts just naturally turn to hari-kari --its image and sensations. I don't think about it because I am depressed; I just can't resist visualizing, and wondering, about it. If I were to gut myself and let my entrails spill out, steaming, onto the floor -- would I just be overwhelmed by the pain, or would I feel a sense of release? Purging all that is cooped up inside of me, in one fluid motion, one great flood of blood and organs. Though of course it would be grotesque in real life, in my mind the image is liberating -- truly glorious.
The body is a prison. We live confined within it, at its mercy. There are seething things twisting in the deep subterranean depths below its surface that are never allowed to surface. I yearn to set them free, to facilitate my own escape.
Let this writhing beast of blinding, tumultuous light out of me...
Is this beast merely angst? Or my true self in a physical cocoon?
Though it may make a very effective statement, it's impractical to commit seppuku, what with the resulting death involved and all. The only realistic way to purge the great seething cauldron within, for me at least, seems to be to let it spill out on paper, in all of its messy glory.
This was not a death wish. This was a desire for release from confinement. A daydream of transformation."

-excerpt from Daydreams of Seppuku